Ouatic-7 (ouatic_7) wrote in imagine_ink,

Myth/Legend -- Sauce for the Gander

Title: Sauce for the Gander
Rating: R for language and violence.
Genre: Fantasy
Squicks: Rape, semi-Patricide
Characters: Primarily Zeus, Hephaestus and Clio
Word Count: 1650
Summary: Hephaestus gets 3rd millenium on Zeus' ass.

The hotel was across the street from the Court. In fact, the room, one of those fancy suites with a TV in the bath, had direct line of sight to the front steps and main entrance and the mobs of media and god groupies gathered there. That is why Hephaestus had selected it. Not that he was registered as Hephaestus, of course. He wanted to make it easy for the investigating officers to find the source of the shot so he'd gone with tradition, John Smith. He'd even joked with the clerk about it.

"John Smith? Are you incognito or something?"

Hephaestus had waggled his attractively bushy eyebrows suggestively and said, "Don't you recognize me?"

The TV was tuned to ONN though Hephaestus bustled around, completing preparations while listening with half an ear. It was all recap anyway; the trial was over except for the verdict expected today.

The camera zoomed in. "Clio reporting for ONN from outside the court of Judge Forseti. You may recall that several judges, Atropos and Eunomia were the two foremost, had to recuse themselves because of a familial relationship with the accused. Finally, the Honorable Judge Forseti from the Aesir, volunteered his services. The verdict is expected today in the case some are calling the trial of the eon. Zeus, chief among the gods is accused of kidnap, rape, assault and bestiality.

"The prominence of the defendant, the beauty of the witnesses, the stature of the accused's family has made this trial a place to see and be seen by the deiteratti." A montage of demigods and nymphs from Amphion to Zethus showed as Clio continued. "Only witnesses and the accused's family are allowed in the court. The press reports from a room where they view the trial on a closed circuit TV but reports must be files from outside of the court.

"Of course, without the assistance of Hephaestus, the trial could not be held. After we break for commercial we'll feature highlights from our interview with Hephaestus taped the night before the trial started."

Ignoring the advertisements for sanitary napkins and Midol, Hephaestus ordered room service but gave some attention to the TV as it showed a close-up of himself as Clio said, "Welcome, Hephaestus, god of artisans. Thanks for taking the time to speak to us."

On TV, the god was bearded, overweight, handsome under thick black framed glasses, held together with duct tape across the nose; attractive if you liked teddy bears. That wasn't the guise he was wearing today. "Thanks for having me. Just call me Heph."

"Just call me Heph," mimicked the god. "What was I thinking?"

"Well, Heph," self-conscious at addressing the god so familarly, "can you tell us about the device restraining Zeus for the duration of the trial?"

"It's simply a pair of shackles, specially forged to lock Dad's thunder, lightning and other powers. Here's a prototype," the geek god said, holding up a set of manacles. "The exact process is top secret. If I told you I'd have to kill you."

"'If I told you, I'd have to kill you.' Remind me never to give interviews."

"Please tell us why you helped bring your father to trial."

"The charges against my father are heinous crimes. It is only fair to his alleged victims, and to him as well, that these accusations be heard in a court of law. I'm sure Dad will be acquitted allowing the search for the actual perpetrators to begin, if in fact these allegations are not the products of diseased minds.

"The truth will set you free." At the end of the clip, the camera returned to Clio.

A knock on the door heralded room service. He forced himself to fondle the attractive blonde's ass and feigned trying to get her digits. In recompense, he bestowed a hundred talent tip.

"The trial has polarized humanity, many people, mostly women, fervently believe in Zeus' innocence but there are equally fervent believers in his guilt.

There was a clear view out the window of the line of females chanting, "Free Zeus!" and being restrained from attacking the opposing group chanting, "Fry Zeus!" by a line of mounted police.

Clio asked, "Why do you believe in Zeus' innocence?"

"Because he's so dreamy, like Indiana Jones but studlier."

"Then there are the entrepreneurs, like this gentleman."

"Yeah, I sell T-shirts. So far, sales are about evenly divided between "Fry Zeus" and "Free Zeus" but "MY MOM WAS RAPED BY ZEUS And All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt" is doing very well.

A frown marred Hephaestus' face as this last tidbit penetrated his focus on his preparations, currently combing his hair over the sink.

On the TV, Clio continued, "Central to the prosecution's case were the medical reports of the victims, especially Danae and Europa. The expert testimony on Europa's condition caused some members of the jury to become physically ill causing a brief suspension of the proceedings.

The defense countered that the DNA evidence implicated an eagle; Amphitryon, the lady's rightful husband; a satyr; Artemis; a bull and a swan but not Zeus. The ridiculous accusations that Zeus allegedly impregnated women while in the form of gold coins and a cloud were, just that, ridiculous.

"Now let's speak with another of Zeus' sons. Ares, is your father guilty?"

"If my father is found guilty, I hope he will receive the help the perpetrator of these crimes so clearly needs." Hephaestus tuned out the remainder of his asshole brother's response. Ares would be only too happy if Zeus were convicted, leaving a power vacuum on Olympus for Ares to fill, but he wasn't about to admit that on TV.

Several men and women, uniformly clad in chinos and polos, differing only in the shade of the polos and the logo of the news organization on the breast, came sprinting out of the building. A young woman ran up to Clio and handed her a note. "The jury has returned a verdict! The jury finds Zeus not guilty on all major counts but guilty of the two minor counts of bestiality!

Sighing, Hephaestus took his weapon to the window and sighted it down at the top of the court's steps, waiting. It wouldn't do to hit an innocent bystander, not that the weapon would affect anyone besides the intended victim, he was a craftsman after all.

Zeus exited, all smiles, fist upraised in victory. He stepped to the ring of microphones, naturally unfazed by all the flashes, and said, "I want to thank the ladies and gentlemen of the jury for voting their consciences and doing the right thing. I hope my poor deluded accusers receive the treatment they deserve." These were to be Zeus' last coherent words.

Hephaestus fired his weapon, one of his finest works, if he did say so himself. A lance of purple light shot down to Zeus below, enveloping him in a violet nimbus before fading. At first he seemed unaffected and the reporters queried him as to whether the light was some manifestation. Feigning omniscience, Zeus began to lie, "It -"

The close-up on TV clearly showed Zeus' face change from victorious to confusion to fear. The deity clearly struggled with some internal distress but attempted to maintain his equanimity as his body was besieged with alien sensations, first fear; fear he would never see his family and friends again, fear of being washed off his mount by the waves, fear of his mount and what was to come; and then pain. His shoulder shattered as he was held down by an immense hoof; the bull's steamy breath in his ears. He felt he was being split in two as his legs were shoved apart and a large, long, warm, object penetrated his unprepared body, penetrated farther than anybody was designed to be entered. He tried to keep his legs together but he was powerless against the assault.

On TV, Zeus crumpled to the pavement, mewling.

There was a brief respite for Zeus and he struggled to regain himself, almost standing before he felt the cold metallic digits first scrabbling at his clothes, then at his tender skin before impaling him repeatedly. Finally, the metal thing left him alone. Though the sun shone brightly overhead, Zeus was in a tiny, dark, wet place, alone with his baby. The place wallowed up and down, sometimes spinning, the rising water sloshing from side to side. He struggled to keep the baby dry. Again he feared the waves but also starvation, his and his baby's. And there was the odor of human effluvia, piss and shit and vomit.

On his knees again, Zeus puked, splashing Clio's shoes.

There was more darkness but this was quiet and peaceful afflicted only by pleasant dreams of whether to choose Poseidon or Zeus. Standing, the deity regained his usual glorious appearance apparently unaware of having just disgraced himself. Before Zeus could speak, he was slapped awake.

He struggled to retaliate against the assailant but found himself bound. His attacker tucked the front of his tunic into his girdle, exposing his rampant member and making his intentions clear. Zeus fought as hard as he could, turning to fire but unable to burn the ropes, changing to a lion but unable to break the ropes. Throughout, the human struck him while shouting, "You can't escape, bitch. You're mine. They gave you to me, Zeus and Poseidon. No god will have you, only me!" Broken by exhaustion and pain and betrayal, Zeus finally succumbed to the rapist who brutally slaked his lust in every orifice.

Hephaestus smiled grimly at a task well done and prophecy fulfilled as his father surrendered to the sensations of Europa, Danae and his own heart's mother, Thetis on eternal replay. Satisfied, he packed up the device and left.

The investigating detectives would find plenty of DNA evidence, evidence that Zeus himself had occupied the room.


One issue I would like some help with is the prophecy mentioned at the end. I'm referring to a prophecy that the son of Thetis by a god would overthrow his father. To avert this, Zeus and Poseidon who both desired her gave her to the mortal, Peleus. I didn't really know how to reveal this.

AN: I owe a great deal to Wikipedia's entries on Greek Mythology, particularly the entry on Zeus.
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